The Birth Lounge Podcast

This episode is brought to you by a paid partnership with Cozy Earth. HeHe has given Cozy Earth bamboo PJs as gifts for the last couple of years, and they’re the only ones she wears: soft from the start, softer with every wash, warm but not too warm, and not the polyester kind. Their biggest sale of the year ends December 3rd. Head to https://www.cozyearth.com and use code HEHE for 35% off, and when they ask at checkout where you heard about them, tell them The Birth Lounge Podcast. 

What happens when becoming a mother brings up all the ways you needed your own mom and didn’t get what you needed? Motherhood has a funny way of bringing old wounds right to the surface. The grief, the unmet needs, the patterns you swore you’d never repeat. Suddenly, you’re not just learning how to mother your child. You’re learning how to mother parts of yourself, too.

Healing your own story is one half of the work. The other half is walking into birth with evidence-based education and a plan to navigate hospital policies, and that’s what The Birth Lounge is built for. It’s $300 off through midnight on November 13, and HeHe will also mail you a rebozo and a couple of cozy extras when you join during the sale: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/join

In this episode of The Birth Lounge Podcast, HeHe sits down with Mandy Cai, founder of The New School of Motherhood, to talk about the mother wound, reparenting, and how birth and postpartum can bring unresolved trauma and grief bubbling up in ways you never expected. Mandy shares the stories of her two births, including how her first unmedicated water birth, in Shanghai at the height of COVID, left her feeling empowered and confident, while her second birth involved violations of consent that left her feeling unsafe in her body, triggered sexual trauma, and made bonding with her baby difficult. She opens up about recognizing her experience as birth trauma and the work it took to begin healing through therapy, nervous system regulation, and emotional processing.

But this conversation goes far beyond birth stories. HeHe and Mandy unpack how growing up without the mothering you needed can shape the way you show up in adulthood and motherhood, from hyper-independence and struggling to ask for help to the pressure to get everything right with your own children. They talk about grieving the mom you didn’t have, recognizing old patterns as they show up, and learning to repair with your kids when you get it wrong. Because breaking generational cycles doesn’t mean being a perfect mom. It means being willing to notice, take responsibility, and do things differently.

Here’s the part that matters: You can grieve the mother you didn’t have, work toward forgiveness, and still maintain boundaries. Healing doesn’t require pretending the hurt didn’t happen. This episode is an honest conversation about giving yourself the care you may have missed, showing up differently for your children, and learning that repair is possible even when perfection isn’t.

Content note: this conversation includes birth trauma, consent, and past sexual trauma.
In this episode:
• How becoming a mother can bring unresolved childhood wounds and grief to the surface
• Mandy’s two birth stories and how dramatically different those experiences were
• How her first unmedicated water birth shaped her confidence and desire to mother differently
• How violations of consent during her second birth triggered trauma and a sense of unsafety in her body
• Recognizing birth trauma, navigating difficulty bonding, and beginning the healing process
• The role of therapy, nervous system regulation, and emotional processing in healing
• How the mother wound can show up as hyper-independence and difficulty asking for support
• What reparenting actually looks like in everyday motherhood
• Why breaking generational cycles isn’t about being a perfect parent
• How to recognize old patterns and repair with your children in real time
• Why kids benefit from seeing their parents take accountability and make repairs
• Grieving the mother you needed but didn’t have
• How forgiveness and boundaries can coexist

Connect with Mandy Cai and explore The New School of Motherhood for more support around reparenting, healing, and breaking generational cycles: https://www.thenewschoolofmotherhood.com

When you’re ready to feel just as supported going into birth, join The Birth Lounge before the sale ends at midnight on November 13: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/join

If this episode helped you, rate and review the show. It’s the #1 way other parents find it.

CHAPTERS
00:00 Grief Is Love With Nowhere to Go
01:08 The Birth Lounge $300 Off Sale
02:38 Meet Mandy Cai
05:48 Mandy's Birth Stories
06:40 COVID Water Birth Story
13:14 Consent and Birth Trauma Healing
24:30 Reparenting and Doing the Work
25:57 Understanding the Mother Wound
38:42 What Doing the Work Looks Like
44:34 Repairing Old Patterns
46:26 Kids Notice the Repair
47:55 Cozy Earth
56:39 Grieving the Mom You Didn't Have
01:15:50 The New School of Motherhood
01:17:38 Forgiveness and Closing
01:21:18 HeHe's Closing

GUEST BIO
Mandy Cai is the founder of The New School of Motherhood and host of its podcast. She helps driven mothers build well-resourced, mother-centric businesses around their values, capacity, and family life, so meaningful work and deep presence at home no longer have to compete.

CONNECT
HeHe on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tranquilitybyhehe/
The Birth Lounge on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.birth.lounge/
Mandy’s website: https://www.thenewschoolofmotherhood.com
Mandy’s free newsletter on Substack: https://thenewschoolofmotherhood.substack.com
Find Mandy on Instagram, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts as The New School of Motherhood.

KEEP LEARNING WITH HEHE
Want the exact words for protecting your consent in the birth room? Grab Scripts for Advocacy: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/Scripts-for-Advocacy

LINKS MENTIONED
The Birth Lounge, $300 off through midnight November 13: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/join
Cozy Earth (use code HEHE): https://www.cozyearth.com
The New School of Motherhood (Mandy Cai): https://www.thenewschoolofmotherhood.com
Mandy’s free newsletter on Substack: https://thenewschoolofmotherhood.substack.com
Scripts for Advocacy: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/Scripts-for-Advocacy